"Are You Blind"

My homeboy called me this morning yelling in the phone pissed off with his wife. When he finally calmed down he was telling me about how she seems to think things that he does are just average but when another male does the same thing it’s so sweet. He was like man I don’t see it what the heck am I doing wrong these dudes just do this stuff when they have messed up this is my everyday routine. She doesn’t have to look for me at night she knows my every move. The thing is her friends think I’m the best thing in the world, but why can’t she see what they see. True enough we live together and it’s things about me that they don’t know but that’s only 10% of the real me. Everybody has their faults, but why is it that you have on a consistent bases what your friends get from time to time but it’s nothing to you? What’s the problem? Do you not appreciate me? O boy! Now people do you have it so good that it’s second nature and you have lost appreciation for your blessing? What ‘s up?

"Back Up Plan"

I had a chance to sit down with a good friend of mine over the weekend and we discussed an array of topics. The one that stood out to me the most is, how do you know that your mate didn’t just settle for you . It’s weird but have you ever thought to yourself why he or he or she chose me? He was telling me that sometimes he feels like his mate was just ready to be married she was feeling him and loved him but he sometimes feels that he isn’t that guy that she really had in mind. He was like sometimes I feel kind of foolish because I walk around with my chest out thing I’m all that because I got her, not knowing if I was just a backup plan. I mean she says she’s attracted to me, she says I’m what she always wanted, I’m handsome and all that but how do I know I’m that guy who can make you weak at the sound of my voice or just my presents turns u on. WOW!! It was way deeper than I can put in words but.. How do you know or is there a way to know if your just a backup plan or you’re the only plan and you weren’t just settled for?

'Best Man"

Okay people, why did my cousin call me last night and told me that he was braking off his engagement because he caught his fiancé cheating with his homeboy. He called me about 10:30 last night and we were talking about the Legend (MJ) don’t play. So I’m about to get off the phone and he was like cuz I got to tell you something man and I haven’t told anyone else. Now this chick is a nurse good wholesome girl never gave him any problems and she always made him feel like he was the one and only always act like she wouldn’t do this or that don’t drink you know the ones that claim they are o so good. He was never the type to want to settle down for real for real but she brought it out. He use to tell me man I never been with a chick that made me feel this way. He said for the last 4 months his home boy has been staying with them 2 nights out of the week because he works in city they live in to days out of the week. Well the home boy goes to work before him and his wife then the wife and then him. He had been trying to get his schedule changed at work so he could be home when their kids got out of school, well he did and something told him not to tell his wife. They had a power outage last Monday at his job and they had to leave early, so my boy goes to the house, gets there no one is there. He decides to take a nap and about an hour later he heard the door open and then close. He didn’t move he just stayed there for about 15mins he went down stairs to the kitchen didn’t see anything, went to the den didn’t see anything . He heard a noise in the bathroom, went down the hall and opened the door slowly and saw his fiancé jacked up on the back of the toilet and his homeboy giving her the business. He said it was about 3 to 4 mins before she realized that he was standing there. He said when she opened her eyes she just started crying and his homeboy just started shaking. He said he pushed her in the tube and beat the hell out of his boy. He told me he tried to kill him but the police came, the fiancé ran out of the house to the bus stop and just sat there crying, she ain’t even been back to the house. Now how F%^& up is that? He is hurt bad to people. I don’t even know how to tell him to cope with it. Any suggestions?

"Detour"

Good day people. I have been wondering this for a while now. Why is it that some women wear a ring on their wedding finger and they aren’t married or engaged? I mean isn’t it the hope and dream of a woman to be married one day? If so why would you pretend or use a ring as a “detour”. Check it I hear so many conversations between women about having problems finding a good man and how they want a good faithful man honest and true. Auh how do you expect to find someone or someone to find you and you have a ring on your wedding finger? Wake up that crap isn’t working, well let me take that back it works for the ones you don’t need because they don’t have any respect for the marriage that they think your in anyway so you know he’s not a good candidate. Seriously though think about it, your at walmart a guy sees you he’s checking you out and about to make a move and approach you then he sees the ring and he proceeds to do his shopping thinking man she’s married. But your not it’s a detour for the bad men right, no fool the bad ones still approach you they don’t care they just trying to hit and run. The good ones keep going because that ring is a symbol of marriage. Women miss out on a lot of good men because of this practice, you have to make yourself approachable ladies. Any good man, you know the one you want, he’s not going to approach you with a ring on, not bragging I have had women come up to me from the past asking why I didn’t say anything to them and my reply is “ I saw the sign that said detour so I took it” and the ask what sign? Ladies there is only room for one wedding ring on that little finger if it’s one there already there isn’t room for the man of your dreams to put another one. So why ladies, what’s the point in the “Detour”?

"That's His Job"

When two people meet for the first time and the communications process begins what’s the next step? I mean is it set in stone that the male is the one who has to pay for the first date or is that up to the person who asked? I know this girl who was dating a guy she liked him he liked her they went out on a couple of dates and he paid for them all. Now she made a statement to me one day that she liked him and wanted to do something nice. I said well take him out pay for the date and the whole evening you know show him that you are willing to spend some money on him. She told me okay and took the dude to StarBucks. What! I said why start bucks she was like well you know I not going to be wining and dining no man that’s his job. I was like well it just shows that your not all about what he can do for you. If you show a man that you are willing to help him out or contribute something more that some legs with hinges on them he will more than likely give you more that what you expected. So do you all think that a woman should show some kind of pro-active type of behavior during the dating process besides just looking good? Should she maybe offer to pay or pay, should she maybe cook him a meal or something, what is the woman’s role in the dating game?

"Lawn Boy"

Hey I took my son to the doctor yesterday and I overheard these to women talking about sex and being pleased. They were both married with kids and worked from home. Well one of them is not all that happy with the way that her husband has been performing in the bed room. She said that he isn’t all that lengthy if you know what I mean nor does his key have a tight fit. Well the her cousin told her that she needs to get her a boy toy. Somebody to come by and break her off during the day while her kids are at camp and her husband is at work. This chick said that she has a dude to come by twice a week, he is the lawn and the pool man, no joke I’m dead serious. Now mind you these are to white women, not that it matters but just had to add that in there and yes the boy toy is black. Now I’m wondering if your man ain’t putting it down at the house do yall work on it or how is that handled. Ole girl said that lawn boy comes through and wreck shop and she naps for the rest of the evening. Come on ladies what’s up?

" I Ain"t Got No Help"

What’s up people? Now today we are going where I try not to go, my kid. My daughter came over this weekend as she does just about every weekend. Now me and her mom aren’t together haven’t been in 9 years and I don’t plan on doing so. We met back in college got a baby, she moved to Birmingham and we tried to make it work. She decided that she wanted to move back home for some reason, no everything wasn’t perfect who’s life is? When she moved of course now were dealing with a single parent deal. She’s living in Montgomery and I’m in Birmingham, yeah I was pissed because I wanted to be involved in my child’s life on a daily bases and not be a weekend daddy. I was pissed afterwards didn’t really handle my business as I should have, gave money here and there nothing on a consistent bases. Well of course we broke up I tried to get back with her she didn’t want that wasn’t trying to hear it, mind you I still don’t know why we broke up and it’s 2009, which really doesn’t matter. As I got older the baby was about 3 and I started to send money and do things as I should have and have been since then. I have always done for her and have never went more than two weeks without talking to or seeing her. In 2007 her and her mom moved back to bham, I welcomed that because that meant I could see her more I could spend more time and she could have some help with school activities exc… Now my issue is these two set of rules, her mom allows certain things in her home that I don’t allow in mine. Certain clothes, shoes ear rings, TV shows music activities exc.. she allows and I don’t. When she comes to my house and I see these things I bring it to a head and try and find out what’s going on. Well I had to sit back and think about it, it’s not her fault she only wears what her mom buys and she only does what her mom allows her to. Now first off this is not a baby mama bashing this is just what’s going on she has a open invite to this blog to voice her opinion.” (My name is Nicholas Antonio White and I said it and I ain’t taking it back)” . Now I don’t believe in all these single parent home excuses when you have two educated parents working together to raise a child. If your child’s father who is willing to help you raise your child money wise and time and discipline it’s no excuse why your kid shouldn’t be successful in life. Now when the parents aren’t on the same accord and have the same purpose at hand you have a problem. I'm not one of the daddy’s that just let my kids look at rap videos all day, look at all kinds of movies, look at all these stupid reality TV shows and 95.7jamz bs in the morning. I don’t agree with a ten year old dressing like she’s 18, tube tops wedge heals and all that, it’s so many crazy people in the world and you never know what’s going through their mind. Now we have a serious problem because my daughter thinks that I have a problem with everything she wears, which 75% of the time I do. When she comes to my house I usually have to send my wife to buy her new clothes because you ain’t going with me no where dressed like you 25 and you 10. It’s so much more but I need to stop. Help me. Why is it that you have men in this world who honestly care for their kids and want the best willing to do what it takes to work with the mom but they don’t or aren’t willing to accept the help. As soon as the kid comes up pregnant or in jail it’s the daddy’s fault “O you know her daddy wasn’t around” No her dad tried to help. I mean is the MONEY more important than the LIFE-LESSONS on how to carry yourself as a woman. But then some baby mama’s tell that lie I AINT got no help, O yeah you do it just aint the kind you want. What am I missing? Help me out cause I must be the crazy one.

"Not So Tight"

What’s up people boy is this a good one. My home boy has been dating this chick for about 7mnths now, taking her out to the nice places to eat, concerts, plays movies the whole nine. When they first met she laid down the rules up front no sex until they get to know each other and have some kind of meaning and title. Well time went on and things got better, she decide to start letting him venture to some places where he hadn’t been. Now mind you she told him that it had been about a year and some months since she last had sex. My boy being the stand up guy he is has been holding out trying to be Mr. Goodman and not mess around on the chick. Well the took a trip up to the coast in North Carolina on the way they had good conversation and a little foreplay talk, you know set the mood. He had already told me “man I’m going for the gusto this weekend” well he did. To his surprise after 8mnths or so things weren’t as tight as he thought they should have been, you know the door was wide open. He said that she seemed as if she was trying to make it tight but it wouldn’t work. Well he waited until the next morning and asked when was the last time she had sex she told him it’s been about a year, so he left it at that knowing she was full of it. They made it back to her house he dropped her off and by mistake she left her phone in the car. He called to tell her that he had made it home, while calling he heard her phone ringing in the car. So he goes around picks up the phone and goes in the house to change and take it back to her. While changing she gets a call from a dude, She has some kind of phone that lets you hear the voicemail as the person is leaving it. Yeah old dude told it all” what’s up baby you back in town from your business trip I need to come through so we can finish what we started that P$$$Y was wet as hell hit me when you get this I waiting on you”. DAMN! So he goes over knocks on the door and soon as she opened it up he just pushed play on the voicemail and left. What!!!!!!!!!

"City Limits"

Good day people got a serious but good one today. I got a friend who has a issue that most couples run into when it gets close to the time of picking a mate and getting married. He is a Financial Planner for a local company doing pretty well for himself. His girlfriend is a RN and is doing well also. The issue is, he is looking down the road at potential career opportunities outside of their local area and state. He doesn’t have anything lined up but he’s thinking about what would happen if the chance came along. She is a home town girl use to her surroundings, her church life is good and she’s not wanting to move outside of her area. She is kind of hinting around the marriage deal and the whole woman dreams deal. He put everything out in the open up front to make sure she knows what is goals and intention are. Help my man out, what’s the next step.

" I Want One"

I had a follower email me about his situation. His brother’s wife has a friend that is married to a guy that is not so loving. He has the old school mentality, you know I pay all the bills and as long as you and the kids are taken care of you shouldn't’t have anything to complain about. I go and come as I please and you can’t tell me when to be home or where to go. His brother’s wife tries to reason with her to just hang in there and keep on doing her part. He comes home late and sometimes not at all. When the wife and her husband go out with their kids to eat or do family things she always invites her, well her husband tells her she’s a third wheel and all. Now the issue is the follower said that his brother thinks that his wife’s friend is wanting to be with him, she always gives him this look and says how much of a good man he is exc…. He told his brother he feels kind of un easy around her, now she hasn’t come on to him in anyway but he feels like if the opportunity came along she might take it. Not that she’s that type of woman it’s just she wants that type of life, to be able to spend time with her husband and kids and do family stuff. Now how should he handle this with his wife, does he tell her or just let it die out?

"I B M"

Hey good people I had some friends and family over to the house this weekend and we had conversations about relationships and what men and women want in their mate. The question came up from one of the guys to one of the ladies” What is your IBM (Ideal Black Man)? That question in itself start a long conversation. I mean everyone has that one perfect looking person they want body type height, weight, color and all that, but what if that’s not what you need. I mean what if what you want isn’t what you need to help you become what you were designed to be. When looking for a mate you need someone one can help complete your life’s goals and dreams. If you just search for someone that you want they may not have what you NEED and there for your purpose will not be served . So with that being said. Do you all think or are you willing to change your male or female preference if it’s not what you want or need. If he or she has to have a degree or a certain type of job, no kids, never been married exc………………

"Do Or Die"

Good day people. I have a follower who’s in a hard spot. She has been dating this guy for about 7mths now he’s pretty well established in his career and his life style. He does a lot with his family and other business venture and is also set in his ways so to speak. In the past she has tried to give him space and time to see where they stand. She believes he’s a good dude and could be a good husband, what’s she’s not sure of is why he’s not making her a priority. He calls maybe once a day she may see him 1 or 2 times out of the week. Now this has been going on for a couple of months she’s feeling him wanting to be with him but not sure if she should stay or move on. He’s a good guy but she’s not sure if she is priority in his life, he is about 7-8 years older than her and never been married and has no kids. It looks right feels right. Is it? She’s there when she needs to be she just doesn’t get the same vibe from him.

"What's A Girl To Do"

I’ve been kicking it with this guy since 2006 when we first met we were extremely young, in college, and very immature. In college things were GREAT, if I wasn’t road tripping to Auburn he was in Birmingham. Life was great, however in the midst of me being young and dumb and not realizing or valuing what I had I started messing around with this guy in the same college town where my guy was. I didn’t think they could ever find out they lived miles apart they were in two different fraternities and I thought I had it made. Until one day my dude called and told me they were into it with the opposite Fraternity. Okay they’re beefing he will really never find out, is the only thing running through my mind at the time. Now let’s make this very clear I made it very clear that I was involved and I had no intentions on ever getting with the other guy. However one day the feud escalated and my secret was revealed. I drove to Auburn one night and my dude wasn’t aware that I was in town and that one trip ruined everything for me. It took me a year and a half to salvage anything that between me and this dude. We recently about a year ago started back conversing and hanging out, I’ve done everything from sending him Birthday gifts to expressing to him how much I love him and how I never meant to hurt him ever. Now that college is over and we are both completely grown I think we should both just GET OVER it, we were young and even though he didn’t get caught but he did his thing as well (what Kappa Man doesn’t, any man for that matter). The bad thing about it is I have so many connections to this man, his mom is my personal make-up consultant, she’s also my church member, and to top it off I’m so connected to his mother that its hard to avoid seeing this man. This is very difficult because I think this man should be my husband…WHAT!!! How can you say this when you cheated but the spiritual connection we share now and even then is amazing we’re always praying and seeking God together it’s just a blessing to be in presence. So my question is Should I stop fighting for this man and move on with life, or should I be persistent? He has given me no indication that he’s not interested, he’s currently not seeing anyone… So what do I do????

"Help A Brotha Out"

What’s up people? On the way to work this morning I was listening to the Steve Harvey Show. The strawberry letter was about this lady who has been with this guy for 6years, he can’t hold a job down. In fact he has lost two while they have been together, his house and a car. He is trying to get his business off the ground in the process. Now she has a PHD and very well established in her home and life. She has to give him money to pay his bills as well as let him use her car. She got a big bonus check from her job and he asked if he could use some of the money to buy her an engagement ring. What!! Yeah that’s what I said. So when do you draw the line when it comes to helping your boyfriend or girlfriend?

"Just Come On"

What’s up people I had a conversation with a male and a female this weekend about foreplay. I mean is it that important or is it over rated? First I talked to a guy and I asked what is your stand of foreplay. “Well it’s whatever she wants I mean I don’t have to have it or do it just depends on what she wants”. I asked had he ever been called out by a female on his willingness not to do so without being coached. He told me “ Yeah a couple of times but you know they were like slow down take your time we have all night, but I’m like come baby let me do my thing”. I asked him if the one’s that called him out about it were some of the ones who returned for round two. “Nope”. OOOOOOOOOO…… Okay. Well I went on to ask a female the same series of questions and she said that it was a must. “Why” I asked. She said that her body had to be relaxed and at the right temp for her to enjoy and react. She also said that if she deals with a man and he doesn’t start with foreplay he STOPS right then. “Anybody can stick a pole in a whole, can you stimulate me without that”? She said that she has come in contact with some guys who wanted to do the foreplay and didn’t know what to do but she coached them, she also said they were younger. The male I talked to also told me that once he started to do the foreplay he said some of the chicks were like “Just Come On”, what do I do now? So my question is. Is foreplay that important and when is it need and not need?

"This Is My Confession"

Okay here’s the situation………………………………..I’ve been married for about 5yrs now and I know that the preacher said for better or for worse, but lately I’ve only been experiencing the worst of my husband. I’m not sure on where it went wrong, but getting him to cooperate with working towards maintaining this marriage is like getting a child to eat their vegetables. Things have gotten physical, there has been arguing on a daily basis....I'm a stranger in my own home. With this being said I’m faced with a terrible dilemma. Now I’ve stated that TURMOIL has entered my home bringing DRAMA as a houseguest and for this reason I’ve recently met someone new. I know, I know, I made a mistake, but what is a woman to do when she’s not taken care of at home. I don’t mean the wining and dining, but truly being loved, protected, and appreciated by my husband who leaves in the middle of the night and is consistently fronting me about other guys. So in this situation I guess I took the advice of Keyshia Cole ( I might as well cheat, as much as you’ve accused me of cheating). Now CHAOS has made itself as visitor in my home because I’m expecting……………………………………..I know what you’re thinking bring on Maury Povich, but it really wasn’t like that. There is a huge possibility that this baby belongs to my husband, and a slim possibility of it belonging to the new guy. I told my husband about the pregnancy just because this was something we had previously planned and talked about, but now I’m not sure I did the right thing. I really would like to be enjoying this special moment, but the foolishness has cascaded the joy I’m supposed to be feeling. Again I know my behavior may not be morally correct, but I’m the first to admit I’m human and we make mistakes but I faced with wanting to tell my husband about the possibility but my gut is saying to find out when the day gets here. I've also thought about not going through with the pregnancy at all because either way seems like a loose-loose situation. What’s a girl to do?

"Garbage Or Gold"

Top of the morning to you all. This is a good one as always. One of my boy’s called me on the other day and said he needed to talk. We met up and he started to tell me about one of his clients and his wife. First when he was younger his dad called him all types of names and told him he wouldn’t amount to much. Well anyway he struggles with self esteem problems. He met his wife and she understood his problem and started to stroke his ego and help build his confidence. Well as time went on the building process stopped and she would just not pay his problem any attention. Well he mentioned it to her and she said she would try to work on it, but of course it never happened. Well he is a investment banker for a large firm in Florida. He told me he has a client that has been calling him and taking him out to lunch thanking him for the return on her investment. He said she compliments him on his cologne, his attire as well as the way he handles business. She has been his client for about six months now. She had a party at her home and invited him and his wife. They went and the two ladies met. He said she complimented him so much in front of his wife that it made him feel kind of weird. Well the next morning she called him and ask to meet him at his office, when they met she told him that she was attracted to him and she felt like his wife didn’t appreciate him. She said while she complimented him at the party last night his wife didn’t say a word and she thought it was weird and she knew the signs. How? She said she made the same mistake with her ex-husband. He told her what he needed and she ignored it and someone else moved in. Now mind you he never told her anything about his issue with his wife she just picked up on it from meeting her one time. O yeah she’s a WHITE chick.

Please help my boy out.

"Can I Test It Before I Buy It"

Hey! Good people I got a hot one for today. I had a talk with some people about having SEX before marriage. Now in the good book the (Bible) it says that you should wait to have sex until you get married, some may say “why”. I mean if you meet someone and the connection is there why not, I mean you are feeling them you trust them enough to let them enter your body or you enter theirs so what’s the big deal. What if I don’t ever get married? What if the person that I’m having sex with is the person that I’m going to marry? Why should I wait? What if I wait and it’s not good, then I’m stuck.

Okay people what’s up let me know your take on this one.

"Do You Know What You Want"

What’s up ladies and gents. I had a quick but deep conversation with a friend today. We talked about “what women really want”. She is a female and was saying that it’s so many women that say they want this in a man and that in a man but don’t have anything to offer as being a woman. Women sometimes not all the time ask for way more than what they are ready for. Now it’s some men that do the same but most don’t because they know that nine times out of ten or they believe that the woman that he’s pursuing already has it together. Nope not all of them. It’s called selling yourself, kind of like what you do when your interviewing for a job. Once you get the job then you have to prove yourself. Why? Why do women have it all planed out what they want their man to do and have for them and I have only heard once what she was going to do for him. Destiny’s Child “Cater To You”. Help me out what are the women going to do in the relationship, when are they going to realize that the man they want is not always the man they need.

I know yall about to give it to me on this one.

Has The South Really Risen?

Hey people one of the followers sent me this.



As we all know the South, has deep history of segregation through the civil rights movement and the slavery era. Today the question is posed…………..has the south really risen? It has been reported that in Southern states such as Georgia, Mississippi, and more, that some high schools are having segregated proms! This has dumbfounded me, but in doing research it shows that parents and students in these areas have been supportive of the idea of segregating the proms and this baffles me even more. Stars such as Morgan Freeman, has even offered to pay for his old high school’s first integrated prom. The idea was embraced by the students, but rejected by the parents. What will it take to really overcome? and what is your opinion on this topic. You can see the documentary on this in July on HBO titled “Prom Night in Mississippi”.