Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Justified
What's up good people! I hope all is well today. I want to bring this topic of discussion to the people today. In most marriages you will find that the husband and the wife are different in most areas, yet still compatible enough to be married. The question is are they compatible in the areas that will keep their marriage together. If she likes to be wined and dinned and he's not the romantic type; she used to jump off the dresser and now she crawls into bed type issues. Now my question is when these type issues arise, is the other spouse justified in stepping outside of the house to get a legitimate need met when his/her needs aren't being met at home?
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As it is spouses has needs that need and should be met by their spouse. However, we know that there may be times when a spouse will not meet the needs of the other. Though the need may be legitimate a spouse is never jusstified in stepping out to get the need met. One of the greatest tools that spouses have is the tool of covenant communication - pillow talk if you will. If a spouse need is not being met that spouse has an obligation to tell the spouse who is not meeting their need in a manner that is acceptable and respetful- not when they are frustrated and emotions are high. Once the issue has been placed on the table, the lacking spouse should seek ways to meet the need (of course, all things being equal the need is legitimate) of their spouse. Now the spouse has a responsibility to inform the other of what their particular love language is - b/c someone can think that they are pleasing you and they are not, they are actually doing what pleases them and that will leave you neglected in the need area. A marriage is an investment. We invest in burger king , mc donalds, krispy kreme etc. How about investing in a book- (The five love languages)or any other type of material that will cause your marriage to go to the next level. In a marriage its all about giving, serving and meeting your spouses need- if you make a conserted effort to make them happy then your needs will be met.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's why I am called Queen - b/c I serve my King!
Johnnie
Janelle Payne...
ReplyDeleteWhen preparing to get married, my marriage counselor asked me if I thought I was compatible to my then fiancé’. Thinking I was supposed to say yes, I said “sure”. He said, and I know agree, that I wasn’t and shouldn’t be. The thing is, you can have similar likes but you and your mate should also have dislikes. Your weaknesses may be his strengths (and vice versa) so he can show you things in a different light. With that being said, each of you should understand compromise. If you’re not a romantic person, you should talk to your mate if he/she is and be willing to oblige that side of him/her. I read a quote from Barack Obama that essentially said we should all compromise in life, so long as we know those things than can’t be compromised. I took that to mean that we all should give in a little, but not so much that we’re unhappy or loosing ourselves in the process. You can’t like reading, going to the museum, eating sushi, and travel and expect to convert the brother who’s happy and content never leaving the neighborhood he grew up in, who thinks white zinfandel is a fine wine, doesn’t eat any fish except fried whitening, and the JC Penny catalogue heavy reading! While we should be willing to show things a new light to our mate, we should also recognize before marriage the things we cannot, nor will ever change. As far as being justified to find what we want elsewhere…to justify something is to prove it right or valid and you could never do that 100%. If there’s ever another option, and there is, there’s never a justification to do that. However, it happens and will continue to happen regardless.
It’s not ok to “step out” and have somebody meet the “need”. If people want to have successful relationships they need to learn: communication and compromise. Maybe there’s a reason she ain’t jumping off the dresser… Clearly there was something that had her jumping off the dresser before. He should find out what that was and do that again. I’d hope as adults they could agree to compromise that he’d wine and dine her a few times a month and she’d agree to jump off the dresser more often. Furthermore there are things that do/should carry more weight than being romantic and jumping off the dresser. Hopefully, the husband and the wife both realize their spouse is instrumental in their destiny. If one is willing to step outside and risk that for something so trivial they have bigger problems…
ReplyDelete-Ouijella
Firstly when you and your partner met weather girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, you put on the charm. You did whatever it took to get them where you wanted them. Dates, walks in the park you bought or cooked their favorite foods exc…. Then all of a sudden it dies or it’s not as often as it use to be. In most cases this happens after marriage. Men stop dating, women stop jumping off the dresser and doing that little trick that made you buy that ring. When either party becomes comfortable and think they have it in the bag or as we say “on lock”. Other keys begin to fit the lock and other locks start to take the shape of your key (if you get my drift). It’s better to bite the bullet and put in the work it takes to get that old thing back rather than using that energy to figure out why she was in the buck or he was standing up in it somewhere else. Sorry I’m just real. If you know your not a fighter you may not want to get married, if your attracted to your mate trust me someone else is too and 9 times out of 10 they don’t care if they’re married. They want them and they go hard at them, if you don’t put up a fight your mate just may be crowning a new champ. What you don’t do, you better start, and polish up those old moves. Aint(and yes I said aint ) no such thing as I don’t do in a married couples bedroom if it’s in reason.
ReplyDelete_LL