Wednesday, June 17, 2009
"City Limits"
Good day people got a serious but good one today. I got a friend who has a issue that most couples run into when it gets close to the time of picking a mate and getting married. He is a Financial Planner for a local company doing pretty well for himself. His girlfriend is a RN and is doing well also. The issue is, he is looking down the road at potential career opportunities outside of their local area and state. He doesn’t have anything lined up but he’s thinking about what would happen if the chance came along. She is a home town girl use to her surroundings, her church life is good and she’s not wanting to move outside of her area. She is kind of hinting around the marriage deal and the whole woman dreams deal. He put everything out in the open up front to make sure she knows what is goals and intention are. Help my man out, what’s the next step.
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Well bro I tell you it’s a hard one to swallow even more If you have history with her and love is involved. You have to take a step back think about where you want to be, what are your dreams and goals and what is your plan to get there. Your ‘re still single you haven’t made any commitments to her by way of marriage not even engagement . Everyone has the right to be happy and live their life to the fullest, if you feel that your going to be limited it’s not a good fit. You can love someone and they not be the person for you or your soul mate. Every person that we come in contact with in our lives serves a purpose, her purpose could be to remind you of where you want to be in life and what you need to do to get there. Could be to let you know that she might not have your best interest at heart. I don’t know the history of this relationship only you and her, just think back at all the good and the bad and way your options and see if you want to put your life goals on hold for someone else. She has what she wants in life and is happy with you just the way things are and looking for the BLING. Pray about your situation and see if you really want to be unhappy for rest of your life. It’s your responsibility to make yourself happy women, wives, and girlfriend are only there to advance it.
ReplyDeleteOkay, it may be hard for your boy to hear this, but if she's not willing to compromise on that, what else will she not compromise on? Has he at least said well I'll only entertain thoughts of staying in the Southeast? Has he tried to compromise. My husband and I have had the discussion and I'm all good with it as long as he's not looking at Fargo, ND! I've set my reqirements and he knows where I will and won't live...but I'm at least open to the idea. I'm smart enough to know that the job market in AL is terrible, so I wouldn't restrict myself or my man's potential like that. He may be hung up on the fact she's an RN and got it going on (seemingly) because I understand it's slim pickins for either gender these days. He must, however, keep the WHOLE pic in perspective...you know not loose sight of the forrest through the trees. He may want to dig deeper...I'm sure there are some other things they don't have in common. Does she live on her own? Has she ever? Life is a process and I've made bad decisions in the past. I can say if there's ever another 'AGAIN' in my life, I'd want a man who has left the state, who has lived on is own, and doesn't live within a 5 mi radius of three of his kinfolks. This to me means you're capable of surviving on your own. Because at the end of the day, when you're married, all you really have is each other. Marrying someone who'd leave the state kicking and screaming wouldn't be smart and it would stifle the growth the two of you could have.
ReplyDeleteAlright, here we go......... I think a dream should never be crushed. If it is your chance to better your situation, you better go for it. I think you can always get used to new surroundings. You can also join another church. A better profession is something that doesn't come along often. If someone cares more about the benefit of the "US" part of the relationship than the "ME", I dont think they should mind. Ok, maybe if the other partner can not find a job there proir to moving, that might be grounds for holding off. But I think any situation that helps your current situatiuon is worth a thought. You cant be afraid of change...........It's everywhere!!
ReplyDeletePEACE
This is from Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteI think it's hard when you love someone & you find that you're growing in different directions. It's sad that this may make or break their relationship, but the reality is, your mate should not stagnate your growth. If he has told her that he wants to move & she is absolutely not going for it, that's a problem. They may want to explore the option of a long distance relationship, or I think they're going to have to part ways. Because I think if he wants to move he should. If they're young & don't have any children, now is the time. I think if he foregoes an opportunity to make himself better, he will be bitter & resent her for it. I know from experience, when you look back on a relationship & see how a partner influenced you to let opportunity pass, it stays with you. A part of you feels like that person held you back. & they may go 2 years down the road, have a kid, & start arguing about what they're gonna eat for dinner, & I guarantee that moving argument will resurface. So they have to deal with it. Especially if they're talking marriage. If you know upfront that you're with a person that has a perception of what your life together should be, & it's TOTALLY different from yours, you REALLY need to look at that before you say I do. & I honestly think if it's that important to him, & they don't have anything tying them to AL, she should sacrifice & try it. It's not like she's in a field where it will be hard for her to find a job. So, at the very least try. Because if it doesn't work out, you can always come home. & I think this is a good indicator of how a marriage between them would work, because if she's not willing to compromise now, it's not gonna improve once she gets the ring. But you never know, she may be saying she's not moving UNLESS she gets the ring. Because, some women are not gonna pick up & leave everything for a "boyfriend". That may be the real issue. She might be trying to make him "put a ring on it".
I think That if she loves he she will follow.
ReplyDeleteIn the addition to my last post I shall post a few more line due to the fact of my life being theartend by the almight pinky and his side kick the brian!
ReplyDeleteIf this woman has been throwing hints to get married then she should know that in marriage you have to comprimise. If I had a good man of God you wanted to make a transition like that then I think I would be willing to do it because he's the head of my house hold and my covering. She got to get over herseld and let him be a man a provide for his future wife and children... If not then she need to have a pray and a wing and hope that she finds some body else who dont like change and that wants to settle where they are.
If she is hinting at marriage, she has to be willing to take all things into consideration. I understand being comfortable here, but here is a man who has been honest up front that he is pursuing other job opportunities outside of AL. Nothing has happen to change the situation YET, but if it does she needs to be willing to either a.) accept a long distance relationship if one is presented b.) look at job in the same area he is looking if she thinks the relationship is worth it(she's a RN, there are jobs out there for her) or c.) realize that their "season" as a couple is about to come to an end.
ReplyDeleteI understand wanting some sort of commitment from him like marriage, but he does not see her compromising with him enough to even think about marrying her. Being close to family is great(I am all for that), but when you marry, you must realize that the man/woman becomes your immediate family and your parents,siblings ect. take 2nd seat. That is hard to accept for a lot of us, but it is true.
They should reassess their relationship, communicate how he is feeling to her and decide if this is the person that God has intended for each of them to spend their life with. You must be "equally yoked" and that means with where you are willing to live as well. They are such things as frequent flyer miles and telephone to keep in contact with family. Your current church family can recommend another church in another state to you. The key is to be open-minded about the situation if this is a relationship worth saving.
Hopefully both parties will make the right decision. My prayers go out both.