Thursday, June 11, 2009
"Do Or Die"
Good day people. I have a follower who’s in a hard spot. She has been dating this guy for about 7mths now he’s pretty well established in his career and his life style. He does a lot with his family and other business venture and is also set in his ways so to speak. In the past she has tried to give him space and time to see where they stand. She believes he’s a good dude and could be a good husband, what’s she’s not sure of is why he’s not making her a priority. He calls maybe once a day she may see him 1 or 2 times out of the week. Now this has been going on for a couple of months she’s feeling him wanting to be with him but not sure if she should stay or move on. He’s a good guy but she’s not sure if she is priority in his life, he is about 7-8 years older than her and never been married and has no kids. It looks right feels right. Is it? She’s there when she needs to be she just doesn’t get the same vibe from him.
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Ok here I Go... I don’t think you should make him a priority or waist that much time on him if he don’t show you that your what he wants in his life right now. Not saying kick him off to the side, but don’t make him a must thing, just put him on a "I deal with you when you deal with me bases". What God has for you is for you... Maybe he just isn’t what got has for you right now.... cause when a man find his God bound woman, he finds a good thing. And trust you'll be a top priority... When he wake up it's you that's he's think about... But if he don’t think about you until lunch time cause that's when you usually bring his food or fix his food, the something and someone else has his attention.
ReplyDeleteI do pray that god will give you the strength to do what's best for you.
People make time for what they want to make time for. Busy or not if your feeling somebody and not just passing time until “Super Model” comes along you will make time for them. I know personally I met my wife in 05” she had just got accepted into Medical school in Kentucky I chased her for about a month before we even went out. She moved to Kentucky I was still living in B’ham and ATL but you better believe I was driving 6 ½ hours every or every other weekend to see her. Why well 1. She is fine as HELL, 2. That’s what I wanted. 3 She is what I prayed for. I had a business at the time and was working another job I just made it happen. It’s not the first time or the last time someone will be busy or have things to do. If he’s really REALLY into you he will make time. Tell him to get “Kenny Latimore’s Never To Busy”.
ReplyDeleteWell said LL. One of my best friends and I talk about this all the time. A man will go out his way to get next to you if that's what he wants. Before I got married, my husband worked late shifts when we started dating again. It didn't matter if he got off at 12 am or 2 am, he'd drive the 45 minutes to my house to see me and turn around the next day to have lunch with me before he went to work. My friend had the same situation. She lived in Tuscaloosa, he in Birmingham, but if he got off at 10pm, he'd drive the 50 minutes to see her. It sounds like you (to quote Steve Harvey)have not set any requirements to be with you. If you didn't require time from the beginning, why should he put it in now. I don't know anyone who after 3 mos, would be ok with talking to someone occassionally. You best believe he's spending his free time elsewhere. Someone once told me to go where you are celebrated, not where you're tolerated. You sound like a toleration to him, a whim (well she called, I guess I'll call her back or she wants to get together..I guess I can kick it with her for a hot minute).
ReplyDeleteGirl move on and get to know YOU 1st and find out why you think it's ok to rationalize being in a relationship like that. The space and time may be just what you need for Mr. Right to come along.
This is from Charlotte.
ReplyDeleteHe's just not that into this young lady. His actions reflect how he feels about her. He seems to be a good read on paper, however when it comes to applying his "qualifying factors" to simple day to day relationship based living, then he's unbalanced. This doesn't make him the bad guy though. He just seems to be unwilling to restructure his life to fluently include this young lady. He may view her and appreciate her because she's "available" and "understanding" up until this point, which is what he needs apparently in order to continue living his life as it is to date. Its only been 7 months and he may have filed her into the "go to girl" category. She is probably not the 1st woman to present this level of availability or patience with him, so if he's never been married, no kids, he's probably not in any rush to lock in on her or he hasnt yet seen what he needed to light his fire to want more or be more for this person. Its about what makes her happy along with being able to maintain a level of comfort, because he could very well be happy and comfortable with this situation just as it is. If she feels like she's sacrificing something for someone who she doesnt even know where she stands in his life, then at this juncture, ITS ALL ON HER.
This is from Andrea P.
ReplyDeleteWow!! I’m interested today because I’ve been here before maybe about a year ago. Okay from my own personal experience, I was dating this investment banker who was so into his career and also had other business ventures going on. He was very well established and had everything going for him. Now this was the thing in the beginning he was awesome he was so concerned about my daily activities and constantly included me in his. I think it’s a little early to be this involved with this guy, my brother once told me what takes a woman 6 months to know about a man takes that man a year and a half. I was thinking WHAT fool are you crazy, but when I started dating GROWN men and left the little boys alone I discovered this was true. Most men who are striving to reach a certain point in life are so into their careers and is not at all focused on being serious about any woman until they are at the point of arrival or arriving. When they can see the light at the end of the tunnel that’s when all attention fall on you. Maybe not for everybody but this is exactly how it happened for me, now he is the most attentive individual I’ve ever met in my life. But don’t get it twisted I don’t honestly contribute it all to him arriving but a little bit to the fact that I step back and started doing my own little thing. Less attention to him, I stopped going over his house and stopped him from coming over my house. Even if I had absolutely nothing to do, I would not answer his calls and call him back about 2 hours later and say “oh I didn’t realize you called, I was sort of busy what’s going on?” or “Andréa, are stopping by after work today, Sorry I had plans maybe another day” and my plans were to go to wal-mart pick up some Blue Bell ice-cream and engage in Law and Order until I drifted off to sleep. I said that to say this never make yourself so available, because if you’re always available then he will never have the time to say “Damn, I haven’t seen my lady this week , what the hell is going on” make him second guess what he has..the notion of make him miss it is the best thing you can do. Now don’t try to be superwoman and go two and three weeks without talking to your man, because someone else will be trying to become his number one priority. Just think about it MAKE HIM MISS IT!! Even if he’s you’re number one don’t let him know it, men like the cat and mouse game… Hell make him chase you for a while, and watch the tables turn….
This is Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteI can agree with a lot of the comments. He does seem like a good catch
on wax, but what's really goin on? I agree 100% with LL. A man KNOWS
what he wants. & most men go after what they want. So, you have to ask
yourself, if you've made yourself available to him & he's not biting the
bait, what's really going on? We're all adults. & we all know that when
we WANT to do something, we make a way! Especially when it comes to the
opposite sex. If you want to see a guy, you will jump through so many
hoops to make it happen. & they do the same. I know I've cleaned up 3
rooms, put a table together, took a shower, & looked FABULOUS in less
than 2 hours to SEE somebody I wanted to see. & I know the other ladies
have too. I really think it boils down to being straight up. Let him
know what you feel. We REALLY need to stop assuming. Because you may be
on a totally different page than he is. & when you assume that a
person's feelings are mutual instead of just talking to them you leave
yourself open to getting hurt. I don't go for the game playing. You can
not take his calls & all that. It works for a while. But if you're doing
it to make him appreciate what he's missing, & he doesn't even realize
he had something to miss, you're not getting anywhere. Be honest, tell
him how you feel. See what he says, & at least you'll know where you
really stand & not where you think you stand.
I went thru a similar situation when I was about 25 and My mom told me.....
ReplyDelete"Never Make Someone a Priority, When all you are to them is an Option."
I never forgot it..Words to remember and live by.
This is from Andrea P.
ReplyDeleteShaquana
While I agree with you on some points made we all must take a step back to see what the situation was in the beginning, Did he let you know he was focused on his career right now and not really looking for something serious, or did he make it clear at all what he wanted in a woman at the times. So are you telling me you’ve always made yourself available whenever someone you’re seeing and it’s not even serious requires your presence? Maybe I’m a little different from the average female, I don’t believe in given friends boyfriend privileges neither do I believe in giving boyfriends husband privileges. I think it’s too early in the game to be this focused on a man that you’re not seriously dating. Its been seven months these guys haven’t made the next move to the next level all I’m saying is don’t put so much energy into a friend who is focused on his career right now. We can’t just assume that he’s not feeling her guys we have to understand what it was from the beginning. So LL can we get some clarity on this situation because I think we are all running down 15 different roads. The reason I say this is because understanding is key and its hard for me to believe that seven months in the game this beautiful young lady doesn’t have a clue as to what this man is doing or want….. if so I think the questions should’ve been asked when or if you began giving up the cookies.
Now Andrea P I'm not sure but I think that she and he have expressed what they were looking for and me knowing her I don't think she would be just hanging around if he has made it clear that see isn't his main or part of his main focus. Good question though.
ReplyDeleteThis is from Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Andrea P, I'm not sure if you were saying ShaQuana I agree
with you or if you were responding to me, but I'm not the young lady in
this particular pickle. I can definitely agree with you about giving
boyfriends husband privileges though. I think that is the problem in a
lot of our "relationships". We get with someone, & do everything that
people in real relationships do & ASSUME(Im big on that word) that
because we're doing all those things, it means we're in a relationship.
Not So. You better make sure you have your box checked yes on the "will
you be my girlfriend" note before you start claimin you're his wifey. &
the "cookies" are a HUGE part of why we think we earn the wifey title.
Not true. Just because you're screwing someone like you've walked down
to the alter doesn't mean you have alter rights. Ladies, PLEASE stop
thinkin that sex is always tied to emotional connection. NOT TRUE. We
are not in the 8th grade. Women, we are too old to equate the fact that
a man wants to have sex with you with the fact that he likes u, LOVES u
(Please), enjoys your company, wants to take you to meet his momma, or
sees you as his wife & future mother of his children. Please stop the
madness.
This is from Andrea P.
ReplyDeleteSorry ShaQuana.... didn’t make it clear but I was saying that I agree with some statements you made. But you couldn’t have said it better in this last post, I agree 100%… and LL if that’s the case, girlfriend should really start weighing her pros and cons because buddy is JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!
Well I agree with everyone one on this one. If you are truly a priority then there would not be a question about it. A man has the tendency to want to make sure everything is ok. A man also wants everything that means something to him to be accounted for. Not like a tracking device or a stalker or anything, but if a man truly cares he will want to say good morning, hows your lunch, and goodnight. This shouldnt be something you would have to ask for because he would want to know for himself. He only calls once a day...............hmmmmmm..
ReplyDeleteTry not having sex with him for a couple weeks and watch that 1 time a week turn into never again!!!! That will definately show you where you stand in his list of priorities...
Peace!!