Sunday, June 14, 2009
"I B M"
Hey good people I had some friends and family over to the house this weekend and we had conversations about relationships and what men and women want in their mate. The question came up from one of the guys to one of the ladies” What is your IBM (Ideal Black Man)? That question in itself start a long conversation. I mean everyone has that one perfect looking person they want body type height, weight, color and all that, but what if that’s not what you need. I mean what if what you want isn’t what you need to help you become what you were designed to be. When looking for a mate you need someone one can help complete your life’s goals and dreams. If you just search for someone that you want they may not have what you NEED and there for your purpose will not be served . So with that being said. Do you all think or are you willing to change your male or female preference if it’s not what you want or need. If he or she has to have a degree or a certain type of job, no kids, never been married exc………………
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This is Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteGood Morning!
My feeling on this issue is a little different now than it was when I was young & dumb. In my teens I used to look for a certain type, & my friends know what that was...a MESS. But now, I've been in a not so great relationship & I know that a person's outer beauty doesn't even hold a candle to what's inside. I've said this on this blog before & I'll say it a million more times because I truly believe it. I believe you have to look to GOD for your match. I think when he makes the match it'll be perfect. & I'm one of those people that sees GOD as the cool parent. He commands the utmost respect, but I also think he's cool as heck & has a sense of humor. I will go back to the Waiting to Exhale days. When you're talking to GOD about that mate, BE SPECIFIC. I am a lot more lax when it comes to some physical things(missing teeth is not one of them), but I really don't get caught up in looks or "things". That's not to say that he can be unemployed with 12 kids, I know GOD knows that aint the one for me. But I know that I have flaws & I am not expecting a perfect person cause that does not exist. I do believe though, that a physical attraction is important. I can't imagine being with someone I'm not physically attracted to. How do you do that? But, again, I know HE knows. So I really believe when that person comes along, he'll be a ok with me, inside & out because he'll be made FOR me.
I agree with Shaquana, I think an older female (or just more mature) will have a different answer, so you may get alot of repeat opinions. As I've gotten older, Ive been attracted to people I'm sure my friends would question but it was the person's personality I was looking at. I've had the cute and fine and they do not make good mates. My ideal black man reminds me of my dad (which by the way I'd welcome a males opinion on that). I say like my dad because, although he is not perfect, he does provide for his household at the end of the day. If that meant working a job taking
ReplyDeletesh!*t from "the man" just so his family can eat, he did it. If that meant not kicking it with his friends to clean his wife's car, cut the grass and trim the hedges he did it. My ideal man is one who is caring and understanding and strong enough to tell me no even if it would make me mad BUT capable of falling back when I'm not strong enough to be the bigger person. In hindsight, the people I know who don't have this are without because of the foundation THEY set in the beginning. I know several friends who married men they met in highschool or college and it didn't end well. I think the problem wasn't that they didn't love each other, but that they didn't look at the guy for the MAN he could or couldn't be. Yeah you get along good, but will that guy be a MAN for you and your potential family. Many men sing that After 7 song...I'll give you the sun, the rain, the moon, the stars and the mountain, I'll give you the world BUT want to be picky about the job they'll take or the things they'll do do give you all that.
Lastly, I do beleieve that we're all capable of being with the person God designs for us, but I don't think we listen that well so I don't buy the answer that my IBM is whoever God sends me, blah blah. I've seen several friends let their own desires dictate their choice.
I have never really had a specific type, but I never really knew what people meant when you'll just know. All women feel that when they're in love that this person is the one (just because we're in love), but we also soon found out that they're were flaws that they couldn't except and the relationship was no more. For me I don't get caught up in the physical, but I agree with ShaQuana when she says it's necessary. I look for someone who makes me laugh and who's real. To me when you're looking for a certain type, then you are more than likely going to find the wrong person. BE patient and let it just happen.
ReplyDeleteWell said ladies I totally agree. When dealing with a relationships you have such an array of differences in opinions. Nelly said her ideal man would be like her dad and he should be. Why? Check it this is a Life-lesson. God created man in his own image therefore he created your dad in his image, it’s your dad’s responsibility to show you the way that you should be treated from the time of birth until your husband comes along and takes your hand. When he does so he is to pick up from where your dad left off. You should be able to see a lot of qualities in your husband that your dad processes (if your dad is living a Godly life style) When God created you he had your husband in mind he knew your life goals and what your purpose was, as Shaquana said God is like the cool parent he knows what you need but gives you the room to make the right decision. Do we always NO! because we are caught up in what we think we want and need. When you pray for a mate pray that God sends you what you need and he will give you what you want. If we as men follow in Gods foots steps it would be easier to LEAD our women to the place where we belong. It’s a process that you have to follow and it can be found in the BIBLE it spells it out plainly. The Bible stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. Check it out. Peace LL
ReplyDeleteWell said LL....I don't thing there's anything wrong with looking for a man like your dad. My dad isn't perfect, he really didn't start going to church until the mid 90s. He has another daughter three months younger than me and used to drink and smoke cigarettes. BUT the one thing I had to learn is that all people need to mature and grow up. I understand that he was always who he needed to be, it just took a while for it to come full circle. Now with that said, I think women assume, a man's not where he needs to be, but he's on his way. That's a tricky subject. Hindsight is 20/20 and we all can see things clearly looking backwards. It's the future that's a bit fuzzy. I agree with Jen because your ideal mate can change from person to person. However "the one" should be someone that fears God and does what he needs to be the head of the household.
ReplyDeleteOn a seperate note, don't you think it will be a vicious cycle of bad relationships because so many girls didn't have a good father or a father period?