Wednesday, June 24, 2009
"That's His Job"
When two people meet for the first time and the communications process begins what’s the next step? I mean is it set in stone that the male is the one who has to pay for the first date or is that up to the person who asked? I know this girl who was dating a guy she liked him he liked her they went out on a couple of dates and he paid for them all. Now she made a statement to me one day that she liked him and wanted to do something nice. I said well take him out pay for the date and the whole evening you know show him that you are willing to spend some money on him. She told me okay and took the dude to StarBucks. What! I said why start bucks she was like well you know I not going to be wining and dining no man that’s his job. I was like well it just shows that your not all about what he can do for you. If you show a man that you are willing to help him out or contribute something more that some legs with hinges on them he will more than likely give you more that what you expected. So do you all think that a woman should show some kind of pro-active type of behavior during the dating process besides just looking good? Should she maybe offer to pay or pay, should she maybe cook him a meal or something, what is the woman’s role in the dating game?
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This is from Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteI think women should do more in the dating process. I think there are some things that we are accustomed to men doing, but I don't think they have certain JOBS. I would definitely take a guy on a date. & I think if you invite someone somewhere, you should pay. But I think we need to get over that foolishness. If it's someone you're really interested in I don't see anything wrong with taking HIM to lunch, or buying him a card. I think it really shows him that you're interested & it's not just about you. Because it's NOT. & that includes who calls who first & waiting till the next day to call. I just think it's stupid. Why play games. I am the type of woman that needs a man with a certain strength to him. But I'm also the type that will approach a guy. I have let opportunities pass, but it's not because I was thinking it was his JOB to talk to me. I think if you're dating someone, you're probably hoping it will mature into something more. & in any relationship, both people have to give in order for it to work. I just think it's childish & unfair to EXPECT to receive certain things when you're not willing to reciprocate.
I agree with Shaquana. The fact of the matter is it is a numbers game. There are far more women than men. You shouldn't be aggressive, but men do like a girl to take initiative. In the beginning, he should treat you, but if you've gotten to the point where this isn't just a fleeting relationship, you should return the favor. I've bought a drink for a guy in the club. I've cooked for a guy and offered to pay. I'm independent so I don't want someone to get the impression that it will always be about me. Every now and then you have to show the guy it is about him. As much as we think our "stuff" is golden, there are other things that men are interested in. Never be to proud to show him ALL of what you have to offer.
ReplyDeleteIf she didn't want to spend a whole bunch of money, they could have gone out for drinks or a movie. Point is, let him prove his point, that he will take you out. But, also show him at some point you can do for yourself and him too!
Uh! Okay ladies I see all woman aren't sponges. I think any man would appreciate those comments.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this, who ever overcompensates in the relationship values it more, so if I am going to buy the guy dinner or (wine and dine him as LL says)believe me when I say he has done it for me at least three to four times. And lastly guys don't know how to take that kind of behavior in the beggining of the relationship, you have to let them know that you are not a doormat or desperate because that is a turn off.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with a woman treating a man to a meal or two. Sometimes a man wants to feel valued or highly regarded too. I take my fiance' out on a date at least once or twice a month and he appreciates it always enjoys himself. And on more than several occasions, he's flipped the script on me and paid for the meal at the end...just because. So, I think our role as women is to make a man feel like a king and his role is too Queen us up! Quid Pro Quo...it's 2009 ya'll! WoMAN up!
ReplyDeleteThis is from Keisha.
ReplyDeleteI am as old fashion as they come, and I don't feel like there needs to be any apologies made for it. My beliefs about the man taking own his role and being the "man" is something that I believe strongly in, but I also believe that as a woman we too carry our own responsibility. However, these beliefs do not go so far as to mean that we all don't need reciprocity. If a man is nice to you, who says that there is anything wrong with being nice to him. To me, the dating process was not about who I could get the most out of: I was not the girl trying to be taken to the most expensive restaurants or having him spend ridiculous amounts of money on me just because he was "treating." After all, simply because the brother spends a few dollars doesn't mean that he has decided that you are where the buck will stop. Get real, I can take myself out to eat and I don't have to skimp on the "fix ins." With that being said, be nice to those that are nice to you. No one wants to be a door mat and be taken advantage of or fell like they are being worked over. If you have issues with spending cash on a man, make him a meal -- you have to eat anyway. When I was dating my fiance, the simple things mattered so much to me -- and they still do. He listened when I said that I craved a particular ice cream and on the next date, he brought the ice cream. Did he break the bank, NO, but he got the girl!!! A little give and take is key in building anything that is for real. Reciprocity my people, reciprocity.
say it!!
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