Friday, June 5, 2009
"This Is My Confession"
Okay here’s the situation………………………………..I’ve been married for about 5yrs now and I know that the preacher said for better or for worse, but lately I’ve only been experiencing the worst of my husband. I’m not sure on where it went wrong, but getting him to cooperate with working towards maintaining this marriage is like getting a child to eat their vegetables. Things have gotten physical, there has been arguing on a daily basis....I'm a stranger in my own home. With this being said I’m faced with a terrible dilemma. Now I’ve stated that TURMOIL has entered my home bringing DRAMA as a houseguest and for this reason I’ve recently met someone new. I know, I know, I made a mistake, but what is a woman to do when she’s not taken care of at home. I don’t mean the wining and dining, but truly being loved, protected, and appreciated by my husband who leaves in the middle of the night and is consistently fronting me about other guys. So in this situation I guess I took the advice of Keyshia Cole ( I might as well cheat, as much as you’ve accused me of cheating). Now CHAOS has made itself as visitor in my home because I’m expecting……………………………………..I know what you’re thinking bring on Maury Povich, but it really wasn’t like that. There is a huge possibility that this baby belongs to my husband, and a slim possibility of it belonging to the new guy. I told my husband about the pregnancy just because this was something we had previously planned and talked about, but now I’m not sure I did the right thing. I really would like to be enjoying this special moment, but the foolishness has cascaded the joy I’m supposed to be feeling. Again I know my behavior may not be morally correct, but I’m the first to admit I’m human and we make mistakes but I faced with wanting to tell my husband about the possibility but my gut is saying to find out when the day gets here. I've also thought about not going through with the pregnancy at all because either way seems like a loose-loose situation. What’s a girl to do?
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Well I say "Get It How You Live". If you are not happy at home, the streets will eventually find you and you will have to make tough decisions. As far as the child is concern.....I think you should really evaluate your SAFETY in this situation. Men are built to be the lover and the protector, but when he is the one that you need protection from, a baby will only make the arguments more explosive and the physical abuse worse. My advice.......Get out before you layout!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay first off what happen to the CONDOMS? Now I understand what’s been going on and him leaving at night and all. We all know he ain’t going to pray. Every marriage has problems and trials, but when it gets to the point when he puts his hands on you the buck stops at that point. Now I believe you can work through many problems in a marriage but beating a women is not one. You have more than enough reasons to leave, you just need to do so. Now if you wouldn’t have taken it upon yourself to fix the problem by sleeping with someone else you would have a clean slate when you left. Now you are no better than him, you have nothing to stand on. As for the baby it’s not his/her fault you and slick Willie laid down and got the baby IF it’s his so you need to deal with it. If it’s you and your husband, well its seems that yall won’t be together anyway so just be two adults and take care of the child as single parents. What you don’t need to do is tell him while yall are still in the same house because you won’t have to worry about what to do with the baby. You won’t be here nor the baby because he is really going to snap for real and clean house. Get a divorce a restraining order and wait until the baby gets here get a test and act according.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion would be to really thing about what your future will be in this tough situation. As far as fixing the issue at home, I beleive both parties must be willing and able for something like that to take place and being afraid of him is definitely something that should be address. I'm sure the feeling of nurturing a child within is overwhelming and considering not having the child must be taking a huge toll on you. Yesterday I was told that my blog response was a male basher, but I'm one that tries to tell the truth at every given opportunity. I say try to work on your marriage and If you've already attempted this with no results then you have to become selfish and think about the your well being but now you have another addition to think about now. BE REAL WITH YOURSELF because we know what's the best for us sometimes, but we ignore that little voice within which is most of the time our saving grace. Know that life can go on, and you must make sure to make a firm and solid decision and not strattle the fence, because it will cause confusion. If you are at the point of their not being a resolution I reccomend you learn your lesson but find your path to happiness.
ReplyDeleteTo me this situation is sad for several reasons, but for time sake I will only give two. One reason is because this woman thought she was actually rectifying her situation by cheating on her husband(the exact thing she is suspecting him of doing to her). The old saying, "two wrongs do not make a right" is definitely in effect for this person and their marriage. Marriage is a sacred union and is to be for better or for worse. If the marriage was having issues, they should have been addressed before cheating became the solution. Divorce is so easily the option in so many marriages now-a-days, but in this case it seems to be one of the only options to strongly consider. This scenario seems to have more bad than good times. If physical abuse is occurring, the only outlet is divorce. No one deserves to be abused by their spouse. She needs to get courage to pack up and leave. The final reason this is sad to me is because a baby is about to come into this world. A precious child who did not ask to be created is already at a disadvantage because the possible question "who is the baby's daddy?" is already raised in the mother's mind. I am not naive enough to think cheating does not occur, but you should be smart and protect yourself. You cannot depend on the man for condoms, get your own and have them and a backup birth control method as well.
ReplyDeleteI hope this person finds some sort of inner peace and by all means, DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND it is a possibillity he is not the father. You may not make it to see your child if physical abuse is already occurring. I pray they learn to love themselves(even if that means getting a divorce), so they can love the child the way it deserves.
Hey this is from HWXLENT.
ReplyDeleteOk, this is very SERIOUS business that you're dealing with. The first issue for me is your safety. If your husband puts his hands on you it IS NOT OK. Stress, Recession, Problems at work, You're cheating, doesn't matter. Physical abuse is the point in which you say, no more. I know it is important to many people to try to maintain their marriage. I believe that you should ALWAYS try. But here is where I break off from the pack. In my opinion, your marriage has to FIRST be rooted in GOD. These days people get married for so many reasons, & most of them are wrong. We've been together since elementary school, we have children, I haven't found anybody else & I'm 30, hell, he asked me.....WRONG!!! A marriage is a commitment between you, your spouse, & GOD. & if GOD sends you to the alter, I firmly believe you can get through anything. But if you went out, bought a cute dress, & walked yourself down the isle, the game changes. So, I think you need to really sit with GOD & determine what your marriage was truly rooted in. That should ease your heart about finding a divorce attorney. Now,I'm sure you don't need us to tell you that it was stupid to have unprotected sex with your cheat, but it was. Anyway, it's done. So what you need to do with him is keep being as honest as you were when you were cheating. You need to let him know that you're pregnant, if you haven't already. & you need to prepare him for the possibility of it being his & your husband finding out. Cause I hate to see those SNAPPED episodes when the victim didn't see it coming. If he was man enough to lay with you in marriage, he needs to be ready to roll with you in the mess. Next, this LITTLE BOY that you are married to has taken your spirit. It's not just physical. He has made you believe that you can't do better. You can. He has made you think you have to put up with HIS sh**. You don't. Were you wrong for cheating, yes. Is it going to be a problem if the baby is not his, yes. This is a lot, and if he can't process normal situations , he's not going to magically grow up in this one. But don't clam up now. This situation requires BIG GIRL PANTIES. Lastly, you are possibly bringing a child into this mess. & I know from experience that children make an already tumultuous relationship worse. I would NEVER tell you to abort, because I believe children are God's gift. But I firmly believe it's up to you to accept or deny that gift, because ONLY you will have to deal with it. Homegirl, you are a pickle. This shit is a mess. But you can rise above it. Don't think that you aren't a good person because of the choices you've made. & don't think that you can't be a good mother. If we only knew the circumstances in which we were conceived....don't worry about judgement, people are going to do that anyway. This situation is bigger than a blog. You need to get with God, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, & if you decide to keep this baby start living for it now.
All it takes is half a time for someone to raise their hand to me. GOD didn't say be stupid. Not only does she need to think about herself but now her child's safety. Do not tell husband of the possibility of him not being the father. Wait until after the birth, get the test done and then you will have more direction on what to do and say. Don't put the cart before the horse. Does the new guy know about your entire situation? Girl got a lot of praying to do. these are not easy answers.
ReplyDeleteOMG!! first I'ma pray for you right now...no seriously...my head is bowed...girl!!! you have gotten yourself into a mess!!!!!
ReplyDeletebut if you are also alleging physical abuse from the husband....I am torn!
Get a pin, paper and a calculator and do the math!!!! Pray that the numbers are in your husbands favor.
OR you can do it this way...
Focus on your baby's safe and positive arrival.
After the baby's arrival get a DNA test
then prepare accordingly....there may be nothing to tell....