Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"What's A Girl To Do"
I’ve been kicking it with this guy since 2006 when we first met we were extremely young, in college, and very immature. In college things were GREAT, if I wasn’t road tripping to Auburn he was in Birmingham. Life was great, however in the midst of me being young and dumb and not realizing or valuing what I had I started messing around with this guy in the same college town where my guy was. I didn’t think they could ever find out they lived miles apart they were in two different fraternities and I thought I had it made. Until one day my dude called and told me they were into it with the opposite Fraternity. Okay they’re beefing he will really never find out, is the only thing running through my mind at the time. Now let’s make this very clear I made it very clear that I was involved and I had no intentions on ever getting with the other guy. However one day the feud escalated and my secret was revealed. I drove to Auburn one night and my dude wasn’t aware that I was in town and that one trip ruined everything for me. It took me a year and a half to salvage anything that between me and this dude. We recently about a year ago started back conversing and hanging out, I’ve done everything from sending him Birthday gifts to expressing to him how much I love him and how I never meant to hurt him ever. Now that college is over and we are both completely grown I think we should both just GET OVER it, we were young and even though he didn’t get caught but he did his thing as well (what Kappa Man doesn’t, any man for that matter). The bad thing about it is I have so many connections to this man, his mom is my personal make-up consultant, she’s also my church member, and to top it off I’m so connected to his mother that its hard to avoid seeing this man. This is very difficult because I think this man should be my husband…WHAT!!! How can you say this when you cheated but the spiritual connection we share now and even then is amazing we’re always praying and seeking God together it’s just a blessing to be in presence. So my question is Should I stop fighting for this man and move on with life, or should I be persistent? He has given me no indication that he’s not interested, he’s currently not seeing anyone… So what do I do????
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First thing ladies men don’t get over incidents like this easily, it’s going to take some time. Now true enough the past is the past and you both are older now and more mature. He was feeling you back then but the fact that what he thought was his was not really all his. First you went down there to see another dude and in another frat that he was beefing with. WOW!! You got some BIG BALLS. (Player move I feel you). No seriously If yall are still cool and still feeling each other and have that much contact and on the same spiritual level… let him drive now. Don’t chase him or pressure him play a little jealousy game to see were his head is. If he feels like you are his and he thinks someone else is moving in he will let it be known. Just tell him it’s a dude that’s been trying to take you out for a while and he’s really been at you hard. You will then get your answer on what to do. If he takes the relationship to the next level you know he’s serious about being with you. If he doesn’t mention anything about it or have a “ok whatever” type attitude press on. Women don’t find husbands a man finds a wife.
ReplyDeleteWell said LL and yes, men do not get over things like that as easily as women. My husband and I "dated" in highschool until I went to college first and started seeing other people. That was 1997. It's 2009 and he still talks about it but his memory gets fuzzy about the things he did in HS. I think it's a bit of immaturity and insecurity on his part, but that is a man. They cannot stand the thought of another man getting with their woman, no matter how they are choosing to live. I know that Tank song sounded good...."I Deserve" but men don't really think like that.
ReplyDeleteI think the connection you have now is based on your past experience, but he will still have the fact you cheated in his mind. Take my advice, back off. No man wants to be chased. Men innately are the chasers. There's no use in you bending over backwards because at the end of the day, you're only doing that to make yourself feel better. Give it time, if he's willing to forget the past, he'll come to you. If not, leave him where he is, because he should realize that was years ago and you were in school (who didn't do their share of kicking it in school!). Lastly, be very certain he is over it if you two do decide to enter into a relationship. If not, it will forever be a rift between you two. Oh by the way, don't assume he's your husband because of the past. The real guy maybe waiting in the wings, but you're so busy proving your case to ol' boy who is REALLY meant for you can't come along.
I hate to be the one to say it but men are "Big Babbies". Why do you think we get offended so easily. Why do you think we feel the only true way to settle things is by doing something that makes us feel better immediately (FIGHT). We expect to be given the option to make mistakes even though we dont forgive very easily. The entire time the woman is asking for forgiveness, all the man can see is the image of her and the other dude. Words dont mean much when we arent the ones apologizing. I think you got your work cut out for you.......... The only way we are legally allowed to take out frustration with women is in the bedroom........OOPS didnt mean to tell that secret!!!!! For all the women believe me, YEAH ITS YOUR MAN TOO!!! Until the Big Baby feels as though the image has passed you should be able to try to work at something, otherwise you are talking but he sees that same tainted image....... So ask yourself is it worth the effort?
ReplyDeletePistol...Are U serious??? Did U really just say that?? U consider, lovemaking...letting out frustration legally...Interesting...Very interesting.
ReplyDeletePS. Interesting, not in an intellectual manner...more of in an illogical notion.
Sorry to offend you Cali but the comment wasnt made in the aspect of getting revenge through sex. The comment is just the truth. Didnt mean it as "If I cant get you one way I will get you the other". Yes, you are right!!! It is an illogical way to think, but the sad thing is..........Your man probably thinks the same way! I hope thats not all you got from my comment, if it is you may need to read again...
ReplyDeleteuhm Cali...though just earlier today, I questioned pistol's age. due to some of his previously posted comments, I feel pistol on his comment, even the one about letting out frustrations legally in the bedroom. (i understand where you (pistol) were going with that and on a later post to "LL" perhaps we can open it up for discusstion.)
ReplyDeleteMen have selective, as in I've selected to only remember this...memory.
To give leverage to Pistol's statement of:
"We expect to be given the option to make mistakes even though we dont forgive very easily"
Current pop references in the media today,Irv Gotti. Even the movie The Best Man was premised on that very theory.
Girl I think you're in trouble....this will NEVER pass! Men cannot handle what they dish unfortunately. If you guys do decide to be together it will never be right, or he will never trust you the same sorry:( I think you should just continue to be friends and don't push up on him too much. Say you guys did try for another round and this time he's the cheater (openly) you are going to deal with it because you will be feeling guilty for what you've done (in the past). If he's willing to forgive you and I mean NOT bring it up AGAIN then you may have your husband in him. But if not LET HIM GO! Your husband will definetly find you....be patient!
ReplyDeleteCali,
ReplyDeleteHate to break it to you but its true. Men are physical beings. When somethings broken, their rationale is to fix it whether it be to fight, make love, argue, etc. How many times have your guy and you argued and 5 min later he wants to cuddle up and get some cookie? Many times their idea of mending a situation is physically. Plus, I'm sure he said lovemaking to be nice...there's a difference b/t lovemaking and just plain ol'....you know! There may be times I'm mad at my husband, but I've still got needs.
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ReplyDeleteYou guys are funny…Shit…women don’t’ forget either..Yeh, we may forgive alittle more easily, but we don’t forget..we have visions and images of ya’ll foul mess ups too. That’s an excuse. He clearly is not ready to be serious and embark on an Adult relationship. Even his mom can’t or hasn’t convinced him you are the ONE for him. As mentioned, both of ya’ll were trying to be “Playa Playa” at one point…And we all have tried…and probably tried and failed…Bottom Line, If he wants U, he would have clearly let it be known …He knows he has U and can string U along for awhile..AND reap a few gifts.
ReplyDeleteGirl, Plzzzz, Clear the Way for Bigger and Better Things!!!!
Oh and LL, I disagree with the “Love Jones” Jealousy game….not always a happy ending like the movie. Lol.
OMG, and Pistol…I read it again as requested and the Verdict is….I’m going to see if I can gather some Anger Management info for you…ie..” we feel the only true way to settle things is by doing something that makes us feel better immediately (FIGHT)” and “The only way we are legally allowed to take out frustration with women is in the bedroom”…..Not Lol. Not feeling those two statements, but as always, I’m open for enlightment.
Nelly, I understand them..”Men” being physical beings…I even familiar with giving up the goods when either party is mad…I get that!! And that’s all good..I don’t get the short tempered Men in the bar ready to fight or better yet, the boss embarrasses you in a meeting and you ready to fight. .But I guess I have either sheltered or blessed to be around rather mild mannered men that don’t throw tv remotes or that don’t look to put up their dukes every time somebody pisses them off. And yeh, when its not lovemaking & he’s killin it & I can hardly walk the next day….those aren’t thrust of Frustration!! Or are they??? Hmmm…Ya’ll got me thinking about this one.
And Genia....wit one hand on my hip and waving my Index finger @ you.....tsss, tsss, tsss
Holla @ ya’ll later
Cali,
ReplyDeleteThis is just to clear it all up for you. Men are naturally physical. When a man says or does something to intentionally hurt another mans feelings, it is taken as disrespect and the situation is usually dealt with in a hostile manner. Im not saying that its right, and Im not saying that all men would handle it like that. To be honest,Im not even saying that all men can fight. Just that men and women handle emotions differently. Ask yourself..Why is makeup sex so different from when you have been expecting it all day? Its not because he just loves you more this time or its a little better tonight. Its a pure frustration release for him. I didnt say sex instead of fight, its just that this is a time of relaxation and stress release. I hate to break it to you but everytime you get lovin from your man that feels like the "BEST SEX EVER", he has probably had a long stressful day. Now about my age.........I will keep that to myself, but Im old enough to realize the truth, and young enough to know when things arent cracking in one bush you should pack up and move to the forrest....lol!
Peace!!
My thought process goes a little something like this. I agree with what Pistol is saying because in my honest opinion women are always looking for answers but when men give them to us........we question that. Sometimes the truth is the TRUTH,nothing more or nothing less. I must also say that if it weren't the truth would you be writing this blog????? Women are so quick to forgive or put a band-aid on a wound, men tend to scrape the scab off and grow new skin (just the facts). If you continue to try, try, try, with this guy then you may miss your true blessing. We all feel that the guy we love is the one, but those who have kissed many frogs can vouche that all of them don't turn into the prince we would like for them to be. I say be yourself, if you want to do nice things for him, don't do them for him to forgive you, do it genuinely. If he loves you he will eventually come around and we all know men pay us more attention when we pay them minimal attention. Sorry that you've been struggling with this,but I believe the blog followers are right when they tell you to move on, who knows what's in store for your future.
ReplyDeleteThis is from Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree. Men DON'T forget. Even if they just assumed you were kickin it with someone else & it wasn't true, they always bring it back up. I think if you're meant to be with someone, it'll be. I just think you need to be honest about your feelings & tell him straight up. Because the last thing you want to do is assume these "repressed" feelings are mutual & he shows up with a new chic on his arm & you have egg on your face. I'm sure he knows how you feel because you said you've apologized more than once. & I have to agree with Misc,:),he's playing that for whatever he can get. Stop buying sh**. You can't buy your way back. & I agree with Misc again that the game playin LL suggested is not the way. You really don't wanna get into that. Because if you're trying to show him you want him, why would you bring another dude around that you're "interested" in. If another man is the reason you're in the pickle you're in now, that doesn't make sense. I would just lay it on the table & let the chips fall where they may. Either you get your happily ever after, or you get the truth, hopefully accept it, & move on.
Okay let me clear something up I meant she needs to just add some fuel to the fire. Don't burn yourself up though. Their right don't bring what caused this problem back into the picture. Good lookin out LL fam.
ReplyDeleteThanks Pistol...Like I said....Ya’ll got me thinking about this one. You made a great point, you got me over here reminscining and you're right!!!! Oh and thx also to my girl New York , over here in my ear explaining the different levels and making me admit to being turned on by hearing him say...."Ima beat that shit up tonight" and knowing he doesnt mean it disrespectful.... Bravo
ReplyDeletePeace...I luv this Blog, LL.