Monday, July 6, 2009
"Surprise"
Well we all know that the 4th of July is one of the biggest holidays of the year. You have friends and family from all over the country coming in to get that BBQ. It also is a time where a lot of mess goes on in families. A follower sent me this email on the 4th in the middle of the day. She is a 30 year old fashion designer and personal shopper for some big wigs in Atlanta. Well back in high school and college she was dating this guy who was “the guy” to be dating. Well she later found out that he wasn’t all that everyone thought he was. His parents were lawyers and were pretty well off, her dad worked for Ford in Atlanta and her mom worked for Clayton County School system. She has a twin sister and two younger brothers, well she comes home for the 4th from working in DC for a while and guess who’s at the house? Yep the ex-boyfriend from back in the day, who is now a lawyer at his parents firm. Well when she came home she brought her new boyfriend who is an average guy he’s working on his own business and trying to make it. Well when she gets there and see’s him she pulls her mom to the side and asked why he was there, her mom tells her that she thinks they need to work their past problems out and get married. Well the new boyfriend ain’t feeling the whole ex being around, her dad didn’t really speak to him, her mom just said “hi” and what do you do for a living and reminded him of what her daughter does for a living. The whole time they were there the ex was trying to hug on her and flirting and tried to kiss her when she came out of the restroom. After a while the new boyfriend left and went back to DC, yeah got on the plane and went back home. He told her if this is how her parents are going to treat him he wants no part of this family. DAMN! Now she asked me how to handle this. So I need you all to help me out and give her some feedback on how to handle her parents and this ex boyfriend.
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From Shaquana.
ReplyDeleteWell damn! I will say this, status to some people means more than happiness. It's sad but true. It seems that her parents are more interested in her man's status than what's in his heart. I think it was so disrespectful for her family to invite the old boyfriend over knowing that the new boyfriend was coming. I can only imagine how it felt to him. It's hard enough to meet someone's family, but when they blatantly disrespect you, how are you supposed to feel? I would've left too. But I wouldn't have left because I was being mistreated. I would've left because the girlfriend ALLOWED her family to mistreat him. If this is the man she plans on having in her life, she damn well better learn to stand up for him & their relationship. If that was my man being disrespected to that degree, I would've first put my momma in her place because she needs to mind her damn business. But I would've also asked the ex to LEAVE. That is her family not his, & she should've shown her new man that he was first & she wasn't going to stand for him being disrespected by anyone. & if her parents didn't wanna butt out, & ole boy wouldn't leave, she should've packed her damn bags & left with him. You have to let your parents know that they cannot disrespect you & your choices. & you can do that in a way that's not disrespectful to them, but firm at the same time. If she does not take a stand in this situation, they're gonna feel like they can keep treating her like a child. She didn't handle this situation well AT ALL, but it's not too late to get people's asses together.If she's serious about this guy she needs to let her parents & her ex know they were fowl for what they did, that she didn't appreciate it, & that they better not EVER do it again. & she also needs to do some major apologizing to the boyfriend. Because she shouldn't have allowed that to happen, & she should've stood up for him & not let him leave alone.
I've been through a form of this. If your parents don't approve, be diplomatic and have a sit down with them. Operating off of emotions can be detrimental in these situations. You must be an adult and approach your parents with maturity and respect. If left undiscussed and unresolved, your parents (your mom) will continue to bombard your ability to make decisions as an adult with attempts to keep you harnessed and protected like her child. On the flip side, she might be right (but judging from the way the ex was acting she wasn't right)
ReplyDeleteP.S. A mother's child she carefully tunes for fear of raising them wrong, but children grow, and all too soon, they're writing their own songs.
Clearly, her parents are control freaks. But I can understand them wanting the best for their daughter. But at the sametime, she should be choosing her mate and not her parents. I think she should apologize to the boyfriend for the entire situation. If he does not know about their past, she needs to come clean now and let the new love decide how to proceed. It seems as though she did not put her foot down in the beginning when all the nonsense started and hoped things would be okay.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous posts, but I'm wondering why she didn't put her foot down before the new guy left? Either she's used to her parents being controlling and tried the old, if I'm quite this will all go away approach or maybe she's second guessing herself and her man's relationship and if he can stand the test of time and provide for her. Either way, she needs to make a decision. I do agree that because the HS flame is doing well doesn't make him a good catch, but she needs to decide if her new man is worth sticking by even if he's not where he wants to be financially/professionally. If he is, she will need to sit down with her parents and advise them that her choice of men, is that, her choice and they should be supportive regardless.
ReplyDeleteOl' girl needs to get it together and demand respect from her parents. If I was boyfriend I would have left her a$$ there too b/c she made him look like a punk not standing up for him especially in front of another man (you know how prideful men are)that was totally unacceptable and disrespectful. If my parents did not respect my new guy "we" both would have been out. She is probably not over ex and like Nelly said looking at the point of view of him supporting her. Just because he can support her does not mean she will be happy. She need to first apologize to ex and make a decision. Obviously he is an ex for a reason!! Stop living in the past.
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