Okay people got some more 4th of July drama. A follower sent me a email and asked me to post this.
I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half now. He lives in Arkansas and I live in Birmingham, we met on a business trip last year in New Jersey. He let me know up front that he was looking for a wife and wanted to settle down at the time he was 28 and I was 26. At about the 9mth stage of our relationship we started to talk about marriage here and there. He started asking what would we do about the distance and all and who would move and jobs exc….. Well me and some friends have been going to the Essence Festival for the last couple of years. Well before I left he asked was I going and I told him yes, he was like cool I’m just going to stay here and chill. It was weird because he kept asking are you sure your going what day your leaving and all. Well we got to LA and got settled, Sat we went out and checked out some acts. Well later that night my company had a met and greet for some employees that worked at the office there. When we get there my girlfriend pointed out this guy and was like “ that looks like Jay your ex-boyfriend” . Yep it was Jay. I asked him what was he doing there and he was like I knew you would be here for the festival and I wanted to see you. I asked how did he know about my jobs met and greet, he tells me he called the office manager and she told him. Well anyway we talked about the past of course I told him I had someone and I was happy. He kept on with the let’s try it again BS. Well they were taking picture’s at the party and they got one of us. Well I get back to Birmingham and to my surprise my man was in bham, he wanted me to ride with him somewhere. We get to this place where they are doing construction on this new home, we walked in and he asked me did I like it, I said yes but why are we here. He didn’t answer and we walk through the rest of the house. Well when we got to the bedroom and on the mantle was a box and a picture. He said to answer your question why are we here, he said this is the home that I was planning on moving into with you if you would have answered the question that I was going to asked you and it was will you marry me. Now I have second thoughts because I saw the pics from your companies met and greet and looks like to me that one of your home girls looks just like your ex-boyfriend Jay. My heart dropped to the floor. Yall I don’t know what to do please help me. I tried to explain to him what happen but he isn’t hearing it.
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Girlfriend, that is not much u can do. If you have been honest all this time and still honest now, it seems like he has some insecurities within himself that he needs to work out. But hold up. How did he get the pics from the party? And immediately. Were u setup? I think so. U need to explain but not apologize because u have not done anything wrong. i'm too old for games. I'd move on and if he comes to his senses, fine. If not, it was not meant to be.
ReplyDeleteThis is Keisha.
ReplyDeleteOh my!!! I am sooo sorry that you have been subjected to this most unnecessary drama, BUT now that it is here ( and we all know how life can throw us a curve ball), you must deal with it and deal with it with your man. It seems to me that this is a very serious and grown up relationship. I have not gotten the impression from your post that this man is "wishy washy" and not ready to commit or that he doesn't realize the prize that he has in you because he went the extra mile and while you were away having fun with the girls, he was making serious decisions, decisions that you appreciated, about you guys future. With that being said, you two are adults, handle this like the grown ups that you both are -- you have got to TALK!! You must. There is no other way around this because if you are to be successful at marriage, the communication skills have to be mastered. So, just breathe because you too are both hurt right now -- really hurt, but after taking that breath, TALK.
I am beginning to learn that it is not always about winning the battle, but it matters how you fought the war. You must get him to sit down and talk this thing out. Black Pearl is right, you may not owe him an apology because you have done nothing wrong, but put yourself in his shoes!! You have traveled away from home and out of the blue, your ex is in the same place as you -- at a place that was specifically reserved for employees of your company. That sends off huge red flags even to me and I know that as you have thought about it, the same flags are blaring with you as well. So, dig a little deeper and see how this man even knew that you were there. It just seems so fishy to me, but back to your man. If you feel in your heart of hearts that this person is destined to be yours and that he is the one that you choose to spend your life with, don't walk away so easily. The male ego, and you know that the female ego, is so very easily bruised. We are all human, subject to error and insecurities whether we will admit it or not, so please take time and really think this through and do not, I repeat, do not allow him to walk out of your life before you have tried all that you can to salvage the relationship. Once you have done all that you can do, then there is no room for regret. Again, I am sorry for your troubles and GOD bless. He has a way of working things out for our good when the devil would have it for our bad.
Shaquana said.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused. Why the hell would he go through with taking you to the house & telling you he was gonna propose & all that crap if he was just gonna throw the pic in your face. That was EXTREMELY childish. If you're gonna ask a woman to marry you, & that was a very cute way of doing it, you don't want her to remember her proposal with all that mess attached to it. If he had doubts he should've addressed that before he ever took you to the house. Now I know that when you're in a long distance relationship there is room for doubt to creep in. So I think that's where his insecurities stem, but he needs to know that you can't walk those insecurities down the isle. You have to deal with all that before you say I do, because if you don't, you're doomed. I think you guys can make it, I just think you both need to communicate better, & he needs to(as I always say) get over himself.
Janelle said.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the ladies that this is bad, but you two are adults and this should be dealt with accordingly. I find it strange that a man, at 28, would have made such a profession of his desire to settle down if it had not been that he’d had some very bad experiences in the past. Most guys are still busy kicking it, so I’d look into why he was so ready to settle down. Also, I don’t think there’s a time limit on love, but I’m a bit worried about the marriage talk at 9 mos since it is a long-distance relationship. Everything sounds fly when you don’t have to see each other every day but moving on.
You have to remember that men are protective and the thought of a woman betraying them doesn’t sit well. I do, however, think it was petty for him to bring you to the new house and tell you what you would’ve have gotten. On the other hand, if he was really ready to call it quits, I don’t think he would have done that, so do give him time to cool off. Also, how does he know of this ex Jay if y’all don’t live in the same city?! Did you tell him….if so why?! Girl don’t ever divulge particulars about your past to your new man because they will gladly use it against you if given the chance. With that said, I’d check out your girls or even if it’s possible that your current beau knows your ex. I find it too coincidental that your ex showed up at Essence where there are thousands of black folks and your new guy just knew to look at your company’s website for pics of the event. Men are smart…but not that smart. I really think you were setup. Even if new guy didn’t know about ex, he could put one on your girls on watch to see if you’d pass one last test before he popped the question.
I do think you two can get past this, but you need to have some serious convo about why he’s so insecure. If he can’t trust you, this may be one forever after you need to let go. This match made in heaven can quickly turn to a life of hell if he’s always questioning you. This may be a sign of a control freak. Think back of how he’s acted in the past. If he trips when don’t call after you get home or is a bit too interested in your previous relationships that may be a sign. Dig deeper and good luck.
Okay ladies she sent me another email and it stated. My ex-boyfriend’s mom works with my aunt, that’s how he found out that I was going to the essence. One of my cousin’s went and that’s her mom. Second the met and greet that my company does goes on every year at the same time while the essence is going on. He know’s this because while we were dating he went with me once. So he called to find out where it would be and that’s how he found out and showed up. Now my boyfriend found out because we work for the same company, he works in the Arkansas office and I work in the Birmingham office. They sent out pics over the company website and that’s how he saw them.
ReplyDeleteOk then why did you even take a picture with your ex if you knew these pictures could possibly be sent around (which they always do). Pictures say a thousand words (it just depends on who's interpreting those words.) I also think that you were set up by someone, either your girlfriends, coworkers, family or even your boyfriend. You guys can and will get through this. This is just the devil trying to destroy what is possibly God's will for you. I can understand how your boyfriend feels also...:( just heart broken. I am so sorry this happened to you...may you be blessed!
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