Thursday, July 23, 2009
"Whats Enough"
Good day people and welcome to all the new followers. In today's world it's almost impossible to find someone man or woman who doesn’t have a kid already. I some cases the father has custody in most cases (over half) the mother has custody. When dealing with this situation you run into who does what and when who should do this or that. Some may say that the mom has the biggest part of the load others see It different. Now some see it best to go through the courts to decide who pays what part. Others think it can be worked out between the parents. Now the question is, who’s to say what the court orders the male or female to pay is enough. So when and what is enough for the parent that does not have custody of the child to pay or do?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think that if the child is living with only one parent, then that parent must accept the fact that most of the responsibility is on them. Now before you start cussing me out, hear me out. When two people have a child and are not living together, they are not on the same schedule. What goes on under one roof has nothing to do with the other parent. Yes, I do believe the other parent should try to stay as active as possible, and as open to help. I think the financial responsibility should be based on the actual needs of the child, not of the parents bills and what all they have to pay. I think that both parents should share time and support as far as being there, and that should be as close to 50/50 as possible.
ReplyDeleteBut when asked what is enough, I say if the child lives with the mother (which in most cases is true) the father should cover education, activities, and help when mom just doesn't have it. That is aside from just being a father (being there whenever for your child no matter what). I also think that when a child comes into this world, parents want more for them than they had, so they provide the child with tons of unnecessary things and expect to get help from the other parent. I dont think you can determine what is enough, because every child is different. I think if the parents split the actual needs of the child instead of their wants and emotions about the other parent, a lot of single parents would actually see that they are getting enough. (And this is for my "REAL FATHERS" not the ones who just pick your child up for the attention or just send money. REAL MEN do real things, this is for the men who would reverse the roles in a heartbeat just to make sure his child is taken care of.
Well here we go I got a feeling that this is going to be a good one. I personally think that it’s a 50/50 thing. If the child is with the mom and her and the father have come to an agreement on who’s going to do what, that should be that. Say for instance she says ok if you get all the clothes, shoes, school supplies and hair products or whatever needs to be done for the hair. Now she is going to handle all the rest, food, shelter, lights exc…. Now if it gets to the point where someone isn’t holding their weight then it becomes a problem. That’s when the courts get involved and it all goes downhill from there. Now in my opinion it depends on the parents and their relationship to when enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteDebra said.
ReplyDeleteI am a single parent and I first felt like, "Long as he pay the child support, We're good!" Well, the older my son got the more I realized that (if he paid the money) the money would not be enough. Yes, the money is very well needed, but the time spent and support that you give a child is just as important. The court determines, "What's enough?" due to a chart system that was created by statistics. Well, anyone who gets child support knows that there are some flaws in the system and its still hard to take care for a child with the amount of money you are awarded. I feel like my son’s father does not do enough, but he think that he is doing enough because he is doing all that he can. Ok should I feel, if he is doing enough because he doesn’t have anything else. Hell, he can go get a second job, I can’t because I have the child and would have to pay for child care for the second job which really means I will be working just to pay the child care. What if I only did what I felt I could do? What if I put myself first and then cared for my child? What if, What if, What if? Then I would be a dead beat mother, with no acceptable excuses. I mean this situation is going to be looked at different because a lot a people seem to be in a similar situation as this. Bottom line, enough is when your child is not lacking for anything and not because the momma busted her ass to make it happen.
Sharvanae said.
ReplyDeleteWell, I have a 5 year old daughter that I take care of myself financially; however, I have a great support that does not include her father nor his family. Growing up- my father and mother were divorced; however, my father always took care of us. With that being said, once I gave birth to my daughter; I waited until my daughter turned a year old before placing her father on child support. I was waiting to see if her dad would come around and help out with; he didn't. (Keep in mind he never appeared in court throughout the entire process)The courts ordered him to pay $630.00mthly with an extra $100.00mthly meaning $730.00 a month until he caught up with his back support which was only $1800.00 at the time. Ok, he paid that for about a year, since then I have received nothing. Now she owes ruffle about $20,000.00 in back pay; and I don’t feel sorry for him the least. If he would pay his support, I would not ask for anything extra for my daughter. I know some maybe thinking $730 is too much, but my daughter attends private $473.00mthy, not including lunch...gymnastics at $60.00 and piano ranging from $72.00 to $93.00 mthly... and other things such as clothes and shoes. So, the support would not be going towards me. I work 2 jobs and attend grad school + an internship. If, I lose my job today or tomorrow I still have to pay bills, feed us, and cloth..I just can't stop doing. I feel the same about him. McDonalds, Krystal’s, Burger King is always hiring, he would have to pay the 730, he could just give what he has to help out…anything would help out.
Shaquana said.
ReplyDeleteFrom a person who is currently in this situation, I believe everything should be equal. As far as payment, the courts decide that based on both parties' income, other children in the non-custodial parent's home, etc. But I strongly believe that child support does not equate to parenting. In my case, I thought I was awarded too much, I honestly did. My intention was for us to foot the daycare bill, dr. visits, clothes, food, etc, equally. But that's not how the child support game goes. Anyway, when a large sum of money is ordered for child support, the person paying often feels like that's all they need to do. I disagree. Money isn't the end all be all of parenting. I can agree with a man not giving extra money outside of child support if he pays a large amount, but the parenting should never be affected by a child support order. & I think when you have a child enough shouldn't be in your vocabulary. You should do ALL you can, give ALL you can, spend as much time as you can. As the sole caregiver for my twins, I don't understand how men can complain about some of the things they're asked to do...monetary or otherwise. Noone has stayed up at night with my children when they were sick, or took off their job except me. I potty trained, taught them how to stand up & pee(yeah, we have to do that too), take them to school, read with them, play with them, listen to ALL their "momma let me show you somethings", kiss their boo boos, teach them right from wrong, teach them how to treat people & each other, & discipline them. & as tired as I get, I never think, ENOUGH. I know that all of those things are gifts. I love to see the look on my boys' faces when they learn something new, or when they say, "momma let me give you a kiss". & I truly feel sorry for their father because he is missing out. & any parent that thinks they do "enough" is really missing the mark. When you have a woman, or a man in your life, do you say I do enough for you? I doubt that very seriously. So, when you have a child that does not live in your home, you should take the same approach. Because whatever you're doing, it's not enough. You miss so much when you're not with a child every day, so if you're asked to pick up more nights than you'd like babysitting, or asked to help go in on the bday party(if you're paying $250 or less a month in child support------that aint sh**), just do it. Raising a child is probably the most important thing you do, so I think anyone that GOD has blessed with that responsibility should put everything they have in that child & get out of the immature thought process of "I do TOO MUCH for MY child". That sentence blows my mind....just takes my breath away.
Charlotte said.
ReplyDeleteWell, I agree with Pistol on this discussion. And Life states that when the other parent isnt holding up their weight then it becomes a problem, well if its to the point where its that problematic, then I say engage the courts again to see what can be done to bridge the gap. I know this support goes both ways, because nobody who pays child support, wants to even think that their child is living an impoverish lifestyle, when you know your holding up your end of the court order or mutual agreement that was established and AGAIN I SAY bring the courts back in if this is the situation at hand. Because the goal should always be to ensure that the kid(s) have ALL of their needs met and some of their wants, within reason, met as well. Sometimes when the person that has been placed on child support wants to count every penny of the parent who has legal custody's pocket, then often times, thats when the ENOUGH thing comes into play. And that could be because the parent that is paying the child support feels like this responsibility of child support is negatively altering their finances and their lifestyle, because they dont get something in hand like an expense report on how "their" funds are being used to support "their" kid(s). Raising and providing for children is not a business venture. However, it is still an investment and when done well, its yields a priceless return. It should be about the child or children, who are a product of a broken home or parents that arent together an longer, to be able to say as adults, that inspite of it all, I had a great childhood because both of my parents worked in concert to pull it off. Then the Enough can be removed from the situati